when someone points out something you’re sensitive about and you have to pretend like you don’t care
(via hypoxicatbest)
(Source: suspended-from-the-sun, via collegeboyyswag)
”
A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane, and ill-advised, and the whole species’ existence counts on them doing it. I don’t know how women still go out with guys when you consider that there’s no greater threat to women than men. We’re the number one threat to women! Globally and historically, we’re the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women, we’re the worst thing that ever happens to them. If you’re a guy, try to imagine that you could only date a half-bear, half-lion, like, “Ugh, I hope this one’s nice.
Louis C.K. (via ladymalchav)
(Source: unignorable, via screamingcrawfish)
Are You Checking Me Out Or Trying To Figure Out My Gender: A Life Story.
(via handfulofdustt)
bus farts. scare the crap out of me.
this is what our world will look like one day, when we’re all gone
(Source: destroyed-and-abandoned, via fuckingscreaming)
“Hey, buy me this thing”
“lol ok”
“waIT NO I WAS KIDDING PLEASE DON’T OH MY GOD I CAN’T ACCEPT THIS STOP BEING SO NICE DON’T YOU DARE GET ME THIS THING I ASKED FOR I SWEAR TO GOD”
(via screamingcrawfish)
| me: | time for bed |
|---|---|
| stomach: | LET'S EAT 15 CHEESEBURGERS WITH ICE CREAM CAKE AND POTATO CHIPS WITH AN ENTIRE TACO BELL ON THE SIDE |
| brain: | HEY REMEMBER ALL THOSE WORRIES, IDEAS, ASPIRATIONS AND OTHER ANXIOUS THOUGHTS WELL NOW YOU DO |
| muscles: | I HURT FOR AN UNEXPLAINED REASON LIKE ARE YOU GROWING DO YOU HAVE A DISEASE LOL IDK HELP |
| skin: | LET'S PLAY A GAME CALLED ARE YOU ITCHY OR DID A SPIDER EGG SACK JUST BIRTH ON YOU |
| ears: | THERE'S A JET PLANE 500 MILES AWAY ALSO I THINK THE NEIGHBOR IS VACUUMING |
| eyes: | WOW EVER NOTICE HOW IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY INTO PITCH BLACKNESS YOU CAN ALMOST SEE YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE |
| mouth: | IT'S DEATH VALLEY UP IN HERE |
| body: | HAVE FUN TOSSING AND TURNING FOR THE NEXT 2 HOURS |
| me: | ok |
money is so stupid and unnessecary we’re meat creatures on a rock floating in space and out entire lives are dominated by little bits of paper
(Source: an-egg, via oliveracedavis)
